confidence? what confidence?

You probably don’t know it (Or maybe you do – I don’t know.), but I have major issues with confidence. I’ve always been strong-willed, and certainly think in my own highly unique way, but I often find myself trying too hard to please others and going with the flow for the sake of the happiness of my friends and family members. Not good.

At times, I’m certain I am capable of great things. But most of the time, I find I’m doubting myself. Oddly enough, I like to imagine I’m more of an optimist than a pessimist, yet I just can’t feel amazing in who I am, what I believe, and my capabilities.

Ask anyone who knows me well and they’ll tell you that I rarely worry, nor do I dwell on things I cannot change. I honestly think that’s one of my most awesome characteristics, one that’s come in handy oh so many times. That’s one of my few positives.

But back to this confidence thing. I am terrible. In an effort to tackle the things I doubt in myself head-on, I wrote them down. I’m going to attempt to reflect on each one of them and list things – how I can improve upon my fault, why it’s wrong, what others say, etc.

I’m hoping that in the process, I see just how wrong I really am.

Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.

At any rate, here’s my “list.” If you didn’t know it before, you know it now – I’m a highly visual person, and don’t do traditional lists well. This is my graphic version.

Before I go any further, it’s been terribly difficult to get to the point of posting this for all of you to see. It’s revealing. I guess I’m just telling things I think you can already deduce about me, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you see me differently. You probably don’t care, and that’s cool, too. It’s not about you, per se, but it may be beneficial to you in the long run, right?

Eh, enough. Here they are … my faults, doubts, and insecurities. Argh.

faults_sm

Now, if I find the strength, I’ll keep you posted on my progress. I’ll update you on how things are changing, whether good or bad. If I find the strength. It won’t be easy – this was bad enough.

But I’ll try.

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