oh, bother …

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little bit worried about the bubble. Of course, there are plenty of women who make it through their pregnancies just fine, sans complications or miscarriages. But every time I start reading blogs or posts on message boards, I come across stories of women who’ve been crushed by bad news. I can’t help but worry. A recent google search on a subject totally unrelated to miscarriages led me to these four stories out of the 24 results I breezed though:

  • One gal learned at 10 weeks that she had a molar pregnancy.
  • Another learned of a miscarriage at 11 weeks. No heartbeat with doppler or ultrasound.
  • A third learned of a miscarriage at her first appointment – 8 weeks in.
  • The next story was of a woman who had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Of several expecting women she knew, two also lost their babies at about the same time.

I see my White Coat for the first time on October 6th (I’ll be 8 weeks.), and while I was originally anticipating the day with incredible excitement, I’m now totally afraid there will be no heartbeat or no bubble to see.

I’m not a worrier and typically don’t even think about things like this. And no, I won’t spend the next two weeks thinking about it constantly, but it will be in the back of my mind. I know this is something I have no control over; I didn’t create this miracle, and I can’t make the decision to keep it here. It is what it is.

While we’re on the subject of worries, I’ve got two more. Seriously, very uncharacteristic of me! First, I’m really dreading telling my boss. He’s one of those men. I’ll withhold all other details, but I can say with some certainty that he’ll be a jerk about it. Sad part is that I’m going to have to tell him soon, due to certain circumstances being as they are within our organization.

. : |   P R O C E E D   W I T H   C A U T I O N !   R A N T   A H E A D !   | : .

Okay, in the interest of peace, love and happiness, I’ve decided not to publish my beautiful rant and worry #2. Perhaps one day in the future, but for now, it’s been moved to a separate post and set to private. I’m almost positive the individual I’m ranting about doesn’t read my blog, but still, I need to discuss the issue with them first. Summary – people need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business, perhaps focusing energy on things that are relevant to them. What you’re discussing will not impact you or anyone we know, so you can drop the subject and kindly STOP talking about me, please!!! I hereby vow to not lose any more sleep or shed any more tears over you and your opinions, and although that vow has not worked in the past, and you know it, today is a new day. Thank you.

… sorry …

Yeah, I’m just having a really bad day. Watch the 5 o’clock news for the following headline: “Prego Lady Mutates Into Psycho B!tch.” Um, that’ll be me, and though I don’t yet know what I’ll do when I go postal, rest assured, I’ll be the blonde chick throwing up all over the place. Oh, and depending on the crime, you might need to come bail me out of jail!

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